Hi All, I hope you’re enjoying your weekend, and that you’re getting the rest you need and deserve. This morning I want to write to you about Celebrating your Successes, and recognizing success when you see it. This is something I still struggle with and have been trying to be better about this year, and I hope you will join me in being mindful of your small successes!
When I first began my anxiety journey in high school, I didn’t really know what to do with myself. The whole world seemed SO scary that I couldn’t wrap my mind around anything but my fear. I was scared of going to school, I was scared of being home, and I was scared of my friends. I couldn’t understand that there would be a time when I would be able to do anything except cater to exactly what my anxiety wanted me to do. However, one of the first things I learned to do in counseling was to celebrate when I had done something I previously couldn’t do. It has been a hard road, but here are some things I have learned about celebrating success.
First, I set my goals low to start. If I’m planning on doing something that scares me, I start with just the basic, bare minimum. For example, before the move to Tennessee, I was paralyzed with fear. For a long time as we prepared to move, I counted my day a success if I packed 1 box. Just one. Think about that for a minute; 24 hours, with all the things you own in your home, and moving in 4 months across the country, and yet my “Success” was packing a single box. It doesn’t seem like much to celebrate, but the fact is, I was still doing SOMETHING productive. And I celebrated each box that I packed. Before the day of the move, I decided that on that day, I would be proud of myself if I simply got into the moving truck. I could break down the instant I closed the door, and I could cry and scream and freak out the whole first day, but as long as I got into the truck and shut the door, I would count the day as a success. By celebrating small victories like this, I encouraged myself to keep trying.
The next step after you have met your low goals for awhile, is to up the ante a bit. Give yourself a slightly high goal to achieve. An example of this is staying the night at a friends. First, I would set my goal to just stay the night, no matter what. I could have a panic attack, freak out, throw up, or all of the above, but as long as I stayed until daylight, it was a success. Next, I would set a goal to stay the night, and also get (Insert number of hours) of sleep. It could be 1 hour, 3, or 10, depending on how I felt, but I would set that number and as long as I met those two requirements, I would count it as a success.
So what’s the point? I mean, this seems pretty silly right? Isn’t the point to stop yourself from having panic attacks or anxiety? The answer is yes, this IS silly, and yes, the point is to stop yourself from having panic attacks, but guess what? Rome wasn’t built in a day, and if it’s taken 276 years to build Rome (Yes, I googled that thank you very much) then you’re not going to beat your anxiety in one day, sorry. Anyone who says differently is selling something. The point is, that you give yourself evidence that you can be successful. If you keep setting goals too high and failing, you will begin to feel that it is hopeless to try. But it’s not, you’re just shooting too big too fast.
Another important step for beating my anxiety is creating bundles of evidence. I know, what the heck does she mean “Bundles of Evidence.” Well, what do detectives do when they are trying to prove that someone is guilty? They create folders and folders of evidence to support their theory. I do the same thing. Whenever I start feeling anxious about something I start looking for evidence to support what I’m feeling. You do this too, you just don’t know it. “The last time I went to a party, I had a panic attack, so I’ll for sure have one this time!” “The last time I went to a counselor, they wanted to put me on medication, so I’m sure this one will too!” We do it every day! But the counter-curse (yes, I used a Harry Potter Reference) is equally as easy. You just have to build a pile of evidence to support your success! For example “The last time I had a panic attack at a party, I had drank too much alcohol. This time, I won’t do that, so I will be okay.” or even better “The last time I was on a plane, I DIDN’T have a Panic Attack, so I won’t have one this time.” That’s why celebrating successes are so important. Knowing that you had a successful flight, or meeting, or party last time, is evidence in your folder for why you can do something again. If you didn’t celebrate what you accomplished before, you won’t have any evidence to help you the next time.
Another way celebrating success has helped me is with my depression. I’m a very Type-A personality. I am WAY too hard on myself, or so my husband tells me on a daily basis. So often my depression hits me by telling me all of the things I didn’t get done, how everyone else is doing better at everyTHING else than I am, and that I shouldn’t even try, because it’s never going to amount to anything, (I’M never going to amount to anything) anyway. But, what my depression doesn’t know is that I have a secret weapon that I can use in advance to stop it in it’s tracks. When I celebrate my small successes, it gives me an arsenal of things I can look at that show me examples of when I DID get it right, or when I DID succeed at something I wanted to do! When depression sneaks up behind me and tries to ruin my day, I just slip in all the things that I’m doing well at, and it becomes a little easier to turn out the negative voices in my head and listen to experience instead!
So, before your next big thing, whatever it is that brings anxiety or depression to the forefront of your mind, make a list of all the successes you have made, and CELEBRATE THEM! Take yourself out to frozen yogurt, watch that movie you’ve been meaning to see, snuggle with your dog on the couch instead of writing that email. It’s okay to take time to celebrate the little things you do everyday. Because if you’re living with anxiety, depression, or any other type of mental illness just know, YOU’RE SUPERMAN/WOMAN and you’re going to do great things!
Let me know in the comments what you are doing to celebrate. I want to hear all about your successes! And know that I’m always here to reach out to if you need it!